Park it!

Dzyd Martin interviews the editor of Parking Today:

TYHIVN: Is there a "parking crisis" in American cities?

JVH: Nope. I have never found a garage that was “full.” It’s a case of “free” parking not being available. I can go on for hours about this.

(Martin, a former valet-parker himself, is a scholar of "valet lit.")

Table-talk of Parkus Grammaticus for May 12, 2008

I. My story "The Oblivion Arms" (just a touch over a decade old) is being serialized at Five Chapters—read the first installment today! Sample line: "Murray came upon his wife in the nook, absorbed in her delectus." (I wonder why it was never published?)

You can register to win a free copy of Personal Days by e-mailing editor@fivechapters.com. Or you can just pre-order the thing!

II. Dzyd Martin on BASE Jumping! It sounds dangerous. I'll just watch.

III. Some good entries in the "Phonograph on the Wireless" contest over at Izzy's blog. I thought of some more:

Nattering Silhouettes
The Pony Express
Cuneiform

Any others???

Autogyro

Dizzyhead Martin has a hilariously erudite post on those posters for gyros:

While more careful inspection reveals that this gal is specifically endorsing “Kronos,” this brand, like all Gyro brands, plays a nearly inaudible second fiddle to the “Gyro as basic foodstuff” declaration. This commercial team-up figures the Gyro as an essential food element rather than a food compound (which is what it is), effectively aligning the Gyro, despite containing a diverse array of ingredients and pre-packaged preparation, with the wholesome appeal and collaborative publicity of the raw and semi-raw materials market. Take milk, for example. Milk the food presents a unified, brandless front. A victory for milk is a victory for all milk brands. Meats have long pursued a similar strategy. Like a battalion of British redcoats, Beef (“it’s what’s for dinner”) and Pork (“the other white meat”), have honorably cast their lots together, launching a single, upright, frontal assault on the American public, whether by choice or because government subsidy mandates it. Gyros have chosen to deal in the same semi-brandless currency. The result is the feeling that one might wait in line to receive a bushel of gyros along with some toilet paper and bread.

Sure, Mulkeen, sure—but doesn't the name Kronos bear further investigation?!

Today Your Q-Tip Is Very...um...

Dizzyhead Martin shares a hilariously foul photo taken from his window—I won't copy it here, so you can experience it once you visit his blog. You will laugh out loud!