Hatful of Mahalo

Dizzyheads, I am back from a trip to Hawaii, where I lay on the beach, listening to the waves, thinking: "This is like the beginning of 'Champagne Supernova'!" Not realizing that I was rapidly turning the color of a tandoori chicken dinner!

Some piercing observations/heartwarming moments:

1. A table at the Polynesian Cafe in Hanalei that was covered with handwritten witticisms seemingly culled from an anthology of T-shirt and bumper sticker slogans. E.g., "He who expects nothing is always satisfied."

2. Fluorescently colored fish rubbing their sides against the bottom of the ocean, as if to scratch an itch.

3. Hula dancers wearing coconut-shell bikinis.

4. Guys wearing shirts that said "Bikini Patrol."

5. "Macadamia nut" is often abbreviated "McNut."

6. The treat "shave ice" (like a high-grade sno-cone, often on a bed of McNut ice cream) illustrates a fondness for dropping the participle. On the radio, there was a commercial urging people to recycle their "use oil." Rush-hour traffic was because of "quit time." Side note: The Hawaiian language only uses 12 letters!

7. I bought a ukulele!

8. The big Hawaiian musical star, judging by CDs on sale, is not Jasmine Trias but Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole, who does a medley of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" on his uke. It was featured in the film 50 First Dates.

9. I ate an "opah" covered in a McNut crust. Opah is also known as the moonfish.

10. Losing badly to spouse in Scrabble at the Kaua'i airport. I began with a bingo (86 points), let down my guard, started scoring under 10 points in six of my last seven moves. It was like the Flowers for Algernon version of Scrabble.

11. Book bought: Hawaii's Story by Hawaii's Queen, by Liliuokalani.

12. Idea: Hawaiian Rules Scrabble—you can only use the 12 letters common to the Hawaiian language.