Annals of facial hair (NHL edition): The talisman

Boyle said Monday that he was not really trying to impress anyone with his mustache, but was aiming to resemble the swashbuckling guy on Captain Morgan rum bottles. With one notable exception, his teammates are much less enamored of mustaches than Boyle.

“I’ve just got to get more guys on board,” Boyle, 26, said. “I just can’t grow a beard. This is all I’ve got.”

But a black mustache is about as much facial hair as the 24-year-old Rangers center Brandon Dubinsky can muster, too. And now Dubinsky’s mustache is being regarded by the Rangers as a talisman after they beat the Washington Capitals, 3-2, on Sunday to narrow the best-of-seven series to two games to one with Game 4 scheduled for Wednesday at Madison Square Garden.

*

Dubinsky is a young player on a relatively young team that relied on its energy and resourcefulness to squeeze into the playoffs. Kind of like his mustache, his goal Sunday was no thing of beauty, but it counted as much as a pinpoint snap shot.

—Dave Caldwell, "Rangers Follow the Mustachioed in the Playoffs," NYT

Annals of facial hair, Mark Twain edition

For some ersatz Twains, the popularity of the autobiography is motivation enough to kick-start a comeback tour. Ken Teutsch, 48, of Dyersburg, Tenn., had all but given up on his one-man show about Twain’s time working on the Mississippi as a steamboat pilot. Mr. Teutsch had not done a show in more than a year and had shaved off the bushy mustache he had grown for the role. Then last fall people began watching clips of his show on YouTube, and inquiries started coming in.

After celebrating Christmas cleanshaven, Mr. Teutsch made a New Year’s resolution to forgo the use of his razor and start booking Twain shows again. “My wife will not be happy, she’s not a fan of the mustache,” Mr. Teutsch said. “But hey, if I can make a little money with it, she might forgive me." —NYT

Annals of facial hair, XVII

At Wikipedia, "United States presidents with facial hair." Check out the helpful beard/mustache/sideburns chart to learn which prez wore a beard "on vacation"!

(Via Sam, who does not sport facial hair–yet.)

Annals of facial hair, XXXI

The end of the Hall & Oates era came in a hotel bathroom in 1990 in Tokyo, where they had just performed at a Yoko Ono–sponsored concert commemorating the death of John Lennon. There, in a sad, reflective moment, John Oates said good-bye—to the mustache.

“It really was a kind of spiritual moment for me,” Oates says, laughing. “The mustache represented a me I no longer was. I shaved it off and never looked back.” The next day, he and Hall were waiting at the Tokyo airport for a flight back to the States when Miles Davis appeared. “He came up to me with those red eyes of his,” says Oates. “He got like three inches from my face and kinda drew his finger across his own upper lip, as if he was shaving, and he said to me [in a deep, raspy voice], ‘Now the lovin’s gonna be better.’ ” Oates pauses. “And then he went up to Daryl and said, ‘I used to tell my hairdresser, I want my hair to look just like Daryl’s.’ ” —New York

Four for Wodehouse

I. "DID Bertie Wooster mean to harm Barbara Geltosky in September 2008? The evidence against him is damning. For instance, the hole that Bertie, Ms. Geltosky’s 5-year-old Norwegian elkhound, dug in the garden was 12 inches across and 12 inches deep — the perfect size for a human foot." —NYT

II. From David Lipsky's Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself, we learn that David Foster Wallace had a dog named Jeeves and a dog named Drone.

III. "Mr. [Harry Stephen] Keeler is infinitely plausible at infinite speed. He is a serious Wooster of the thrills." —Daily Telegraph.

IV. Annals of Facial Hair

"I have come to a decision Mrs Twemlow."
"What about?"
"Ever since his lordship srted to grow it I have seen the writing on the wall plainer and plainer, and now I have made up my mind. The moment his lordship returns from London, I tender my resignation. Eighteen years have I served in his lordship's household, commencing as under-footman and rising to my present position, but now the end has come."
"You don't mean you're going just because his lordship has grown a beard?"
"It is the only way, Mrs Twemlow. That beard is weakening his lordship's position throughout the entire country-side. Are you aware that at the recent Sunday school treat I heard cries of 'Beaver!'?"
"No!"

—Wodehouse, "Lord Emsworth Acts for the Best," Blandings Castle

Destination unknown

He grooms for effect, too, maintaining a mustache so thin that it prompts a double take — is that lip liner or actual hair? — and a goatee that on this occasion crawled like a spider plant to a destination below his chin. His natty-meets-naughty aesthetic is all his own, and it carries over to his phraseology, which weds scholarly words and cheeky colloquialisms. A little-known wine, for example, is “esoteric juice.”—Frank Bruni, The Tipsy Diaries, NYT

Annals of facial hair: His New Friend

From the NYT (aka The Beard Gazette):

CORTLAND, N.Y. — Braylon Edwards has turned his beard into a person. Over the past week alone, The Beard here to Jets training camp, conducted interviews and considered making T-shirts.

Braylon Edwards was selected No. 3 over all by Cleveland in 2005, but he says he feels more comfortable with Rex Ryan and the Jets. “This is all I ever needed,” he said.

Edwards started growing his new friend months ago, and it now juts some six glorious inches from his chin. The Beard represents Edwards’s most obvious growth since the Jets traded for him last season. It also underscores his continuing revival, away, Edwards hopes, from the perceptions that have plagued him, toward potential again fulfilled.

Annals of facial hair, office edition

Chin Up!
I work the second shift in an office where cubicles are shared. The fellow who uses my cubicle in the first shift has a luxuriant beard. Every night, I come to work and find beard hairs all over the desk and keyboard. I find this incredibly disgusting. Is there a polite way of asking him to clean up after himself?

How about weaving those molted whiskers into a wreath that you can hang from your shared cubicle wall — with a bit of verse attached:

“Your beard is handsome
and deserves an award.
But on your face,
Not in my keyboard.
Don’t forget to tidy!”

And if you’re short on time, feel free to skip the wreath.

—NYT, Social Q's

Pride and prejudice

"Anyway, when Arthur comes here again in the autumn you will be able to see for yourself. You're only prejudiced against him because he wears a beard and he says that he's going to shave that off." —Anthony Powell, From a View to a Death

Annals of facial hair, VI

Facial Hair (Men) – Asian men who sport a strong, thick facial hair (beard, goatee, etc.) tend not to be Koreans. (Confidence Level = 4) Those who do have facial hair tend to keep it trimmed short, and beards or stubble never extend to the neck. You will never, EVER see a Korean neckbeard. (Confidence Level = 4)

—Ask a Korean

Chin music

"But why do you wear a beard?"

Zouch said: "That is the second time in five minutes that I have been asked that question. I'll tell you. It's because I think it suits me."

"Do you?"

"Don't you?"

"No."

Zouch said: "I expect that is only because you are not used to beards. They can look very distinguished really. And, by the way, it isn't because I've got a weak chin. I happen to have a very good chin."

—Anthony Powell, From a View to a Death

Byssine days

"And I say, by the same token, don't get huffy, but why do you wear a beard?"

"Because I like the feel of it," said Zouch.

He had often been asked the question before and was quite prepared for it. He sometimes even welcomed it as a good opportunity for describing himself to people from his own point of view. But now he had a growing perceptivity that his byssine days were drawing to a close and that with a newly acquired social consciousness he would soon do better with bare cheeks. He could sense that change was in the air. A change for the better. But still while he wore a beard it was his duty to stick up for it.

—Anthony Powell, From a View to a Death

Annals of Facial Hair, III

In this [mirror] Zouch he examined his face, wondering what sort of an impression he would make when he arrived. Not too good a one, he felt, if the mirror was to be relied upon. He sat on the edge of the great upholstery, leaning forward, trying to discount the elongating tendency of the glass and the havoc that it played with his beard. Twenty-nine next year, he thought. The V comprised by the lapels of his coat and enclosing his shirt, collar and tie was all right. It had that touch of ingenuousness that was expected of a painter. His shoes, vast golfing brogues with hobnails, were all right too. It was the beard that he was least certain about, but it had served him well in the past and he saw no reason why it should not do so again. —Anthony Powell, From a View to a Death

What!

I.

'You patted his face.'
'I never. I was feeling his moustache.'
'It's the same thing.'
'It's not. Sidney, it's fastened on with glue!'
"What!'
—P.G. Wodehouse, Quick Service


II. Levi on Reality Hunger:

This seems like a perfect demonstration of what Shields doesn't seem to get about fiction: he’s right about what would happen if you were to take the plot out of Hamlet—but he doesn’t realize that the result would be terrible. A Hamlet who riffs forever? Could anyone really want that?

Annals of facial hair, XXX

Annals of Facial Hair, CXIV

"So what do you think about my buttermilk catcher? Do you remember that Kipling yarn you told me about?"

"Yes."

"What was it that girl said?'

"She said kissing a man without a mustache was like eating eggs without salt.

"You like eggs without salt, don't you?"

"No, I'll have mine plain."

—The Whole Wide World

Annals of facial hair, VII

'There must be a certain code in these matters. Either a man is Grover Whalen or he is not Grover Whalen. If he is not, he has no right to wear a moustache like that.'
—P.G. Wodehouse, Quick Service

Who?

Mystery solved!



(image from here)