The Dizzies' Guide To the Cannes Red Carpet

If you are planning to attend a red carpet premiere at the Cannes Film Festival (and first off, if you are planning, you're too late; the festival's over ya boob!) you are going to want to follow their rigorous clothing guidelines. Well, sorta.

These are black tie affairs. You gotta bring your tuxedo. Now, I have no problem with a big glamorous event installing a dress code. Sounds good, says I, keep the riff raff out. I was well prepared — I'm in Cannes covering the festival for IFC and I bought a tux for the occasion.

I was told by people in the know that a nice black tie was okay, no bowtie needed. So that's what I brought: a black tie, a literalization of their hippity-pippity rules. Nope, no dice. Gotta have a bowtie! And they'll make you buy one from some lady on the red carpet at $15 euros a pop. An ugly white one at that -- not even a black one, hence making the phrase "black tie" even more annoying.

But the rules are not completely hard and fast. They also stopped my producer for wearing Vans sneakers instead of black shoes. He ran back to our apartment, and came back. Before I knew it, we were through the security checkpoint. Only then did I look down at his feet:



Yet another remarkable use of gaffer tape.

So basically, if you're a nobody (i.e. me) you better conform, or hide your gaffe(r tape)s well. But of course covering the festival, and its red carpets, we saw a lot of people wearing all sorts of crap. Christopher Doyle showed up to the same premiere looking like he the new Dr. Who. But I guess if you're a world famous cinematopgrapher they're lenient. I call bullshit on that!!